My Story....

My love for food goes all the way back to my childhood. I was the kid that never turned down any type of food …..this posed quite a dilemma for my young mother .

Most mothers of new born children rely on their children to indicate when they are full …they spit out food or just refuse to open their mouth . But little me was different ….you just needed to put a spoon infornt of me and I would open my mouth …yes every single time . And then I would throw up because I got too full …so young mummy would clean up and start again thinking I needed to replenish what I had just lost and then again ofcourse I would open my mouth and eat away and this cycle continued through my infant years!

At the age of 7 I was on my first diet that along with a mandatory 15 rounds of our garden on my cycle before I was served any dinner.

So , early indicators of a child with an eating disorder J . I  clearly remember afternoons spent in the store room of the kitchen …licking off the cream from cream biscuits and then putting them back again . I also remember the thrashing I got after my mother served those biscuits to guests.

I remember how the sugar jar was put far up in the highest shelf of the kitchen so I couldn’t reach it! That because my mother was shocked that I would eat jars full of sugar every afternoon ….it left her puzzled because her first born my older sister was always a fussy eater who got through her day eating barely anything as a child .

So then it was up to me to negotiate with our cook ….I would sneak into the kitchen and sit on the counter top as she cooked and give her my sweetest toothless smile so she would have mercy on my sugar craving belly and bring down the sugar jar.

Then ofcourse I grew tall I could climb all the way up to any kitchen shelf. 

My best friend in school changed every day it depended only on one criteria what you got in your tiffin box . The short break at 11 am was the perfect time to peak into lunch boxes to decide who my bestest friend for the day would be …..well if you had maggi or chola bhatura you were my best friend for the day!!

This was all cute and lovely till I was 9 years old …where everyone pulled my cheeks and called me oh so cute such a healthy baby!

But after 9 years I wasn’t anyones baby anymore. I was surrounded in school by skinny skinny girls in their skimpy shorts with never ending legs ! and you can only imagine…well I was the girl with the longest tunic ….I hated running …I loved to bunk the sports lesson and raid tiffins instead by staying back in class with my other bully friends …basic math then that the skinny girls got skinner and well we just got fatter!!

 Exercising was serious discomfort with thighs the size of well lets not get graphic here I would end up with rashes on my inner thighs from all the chaffing of skin! Painfulllll!!!

To add to all of this was my love for baking! Not the best sort of hobby for an overweight child …but like I said I love food and I love cooking …so now I was free there was no dependence on my cook or mom . I dint have to wait for someone to cook for me . I could make my own pineapple cake covered in cream and eat it all by myself ….some evenings no one would even know I baked or cooked for myself I was quite good with cleaning and removing all evidence from the kitchen! 

So there were evenings of watching Friends on television with french fries/French toast/chicken nuggest/kathi rolls!

Then came the horrible horrible teen years……….everyone had boyfriends and the skinny girls bragged on about how this one and that one had a crush on them!!!

It sounds stupid now but I guess the lack of a boyfriend was what got me thinking for the first time that I needed to drop some weight !

At 16 I went to college minus a few kilos …..gyms were a rage back then and I remember enrolling in one!

My weight had become an embarrassment to me by then …I don’t have any picture to show from then because well hello! I dint allow anyone to take any and if they did they were torn into little pieces so my grand kids would never see them J

I hated being fat…nothing would fit…it was a pain shopping ….I was the only one without a boyfriend in college.

To make things worse it started affecting my health , by the 12the grade I was HUGE ! no pictures again because it got really ugly I was a hormonal mess all thanks to my weight and was put on very strong medication which made it worse!

That along with the pressure of my grade 12 exams made that year the most horrible one of my life! I was touching …well Im not going to tell you how many kilos ….I look back now and realize that I am a STRESS EATER ….actually I Eat always……when I am happy , when I am sad , when I am stressed out or when I am bored!

Well after the 12^th grade the doctor gave me strict instructions to DROP the weight else id be a mess for my whole life.

So, the spare hours that college life provided me were  enough time to seriously think about my weight . From there on to now …..in the 9 years that have gone by I have read every diet book there is….joined all the gyms in my city ….followed all the diets that come as forwarded emails from well meaning aunts and uncles …

So yes I have been there done it all ….GM diet, Blood Group diet, cabbage soup diet , Grape Diet , Pure protein diet ….

Ive gone and got enema done as an instant weight loss trick! I have thrown up after meals and been bulimic ! Lived days on end with just a cup of coffee…..starved all day and binged all night!

Its not pretty and I know it! Its harder when you have so much pressure around you all the women in my family are pretty and petit and they magically don’t feel hungry  and they hate dessert and they love taking the stairs! That’s serious PRESSURE!!!!

So now after battling weight since as long as I can remember at 26 years of age …. I feel I have arrived at my happy weight …I am not skinny ……and I don’t promote skinny that’s just a fun dramatic name for my blog ….all I am promoting is healthy and happy and a balanced good relationship with food!

I know how excess weight affects a persons personality ….I remember years of being anti-social , rude and aggressive I hated people most of all skinny people .

So that’s my story I am 26 and I weigh 58 kilos . I still need to work hard and there is a long way to go.

Writing this blog is like an insurance policy as a reminder to never disrespect my body or abuse my relationship with food!

And most of all I know there are so many people out there like me some in denial some in need of help! If someone had shared with me everything I know today this journey would have been easier!

So now I use my love for food and cooking in a positive way………

I hope you find something here that helps! I will be sharing everything that has helped me achieve my ideal weight and how I have maintained this weight over the last 2 years!